I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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