Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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