pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
