i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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