You smell like a Billy Joel song
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
