First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
