According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
