my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
