I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
