She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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