He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
