my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
