just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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