my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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