Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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