To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
