There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
