i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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