My liver just broke up with me...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my being single is dangerous.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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