I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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