dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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