Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
