Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
