the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
