he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
