your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fill condoms, not promises.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
