i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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