i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
