TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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