playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
