Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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