Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
