Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
