i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
