He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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