she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
