am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
