So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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