Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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