Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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