My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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