Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
