ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
