Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
