I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
