Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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