Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
