You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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