He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
