I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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