I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
