My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
