i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
