It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
