So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
