My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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