i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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