i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
